The Ultimate Offensive Weapon

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tortilla-chipsAt breakfast this morning I announced that I am no longer buying tortilla chips.  My husband and I can’t handle having them in the house.  Period.

This may seem extreme – and if you saw my pantry, you might think that I am.  It holds no sandwich cookies, no breakfast pastries, no peanut butter with sugar added.  Most of what you’ll find there is pretty darn healthy.  It’s not that we are saints when it comes to our food choices.  It’s that I understand that it’s better for me to be an abstainer versus a moderator.

Gretchen Rubin, author of the book The Happiness Project and blog by the same name recently asserted, “More people would benefit from abstaining,” than from thinking that they can consume one or two of [insert naughty food of choice] and then simply quit.

This being true – at least for me – then it’s best to have the chips stay on the shelf at the grocery store versus having them taunt me from my pantry shelf at 8:00PM each night.

Not buying chips is what Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney describe in their book Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength as an implementation plan.

It’s easier to resist the temptation to go into debt if you enter the store with a firm implementation plan, like, If I shop for clothes, I will buy only what I can pay for with the cash in my wallet.  Every time you follow this kind of rule, it becomes more routine, until eventually it seems to happen automatically and you have a lasting technique for conserving willpower: a habit.

As they go on to say, “Precommitment is the ultimate offensive weapon,” and I am precommitting to abstain from chip eating.

We’ll see how that goes.

Pursue Your Passion

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It can be frustrating when others don’t share our passion about something.  When we see an injustice and want to correct it, why doesn’t everyone see it and want to shout from the rooftops with us?

We’ve each got to shout about our own thing.

Recently a friend asked that I donate to a cause.  It’s a cause I follow and care about, but it isn’t my cause.  As she asked I thought about all the good a check of the same size could do for my charity of choice, and I said, “no.”  And I did so completely guilt free.  I know she and people like her are taking care of business over there so that I can focus on what needs to be done in another place.

IMG_0229I’m thrilled that there are people who take care of abandoned and abused animals, who write eloquent letters to encourage our legislators to support equality, or who act to create services for children in our community.  To them and so many more, thank you.  While you’re working on that, I’ll worry about Africa, young mothers, clean water, and a natural food supply.

Oh, I want you to know all about the work that stirs passion in me, but I know you may not change where your money flows, how you spend your volunteer time, or what food you consume.  It’s OK.  It’s my passion, not yours.

Whatever it is that moves your heart to action, go make a difference.  Please.  We can’t all do everything, so we must do the few things that really matter to us personally.  Also remember, when I don’t get fired up about something like you do, it’s not that I don’t care.  It’s just that I’m working to make a difference somewhere else.

Adapt or Go Back?

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dreamstimefree_40306Someone changed my default browser. I’m usually pretty adaptable, but I have to tell you – this has thrown my game off a bit this week.  This new browser doesn’t know me and, therefore, doesn’t know my passwords.  Of course, I don’t know my passwords either – because my other browser knows them for me.

And no, I haven’t changed it back.  It’s bugging me but I haven’t done anything about it.  Certainly I’m technical enough to make the switch.  The thing is, I don’t know why it was changed.  Of course, I also keep forgetting to ask because it’s only on my mind when I click on a link from an email….  I also haven’t decided to adapt to the change.

I bring this up because it got me thinking about change and adaptability.  Sometimes there are little things we have complete control over that we let get under our skin.  We spend time irritated with the disruption and maybe with the person we see as the cause of the change and yet take no action to relieve our own discomfort.

So I’m going to change the browser back to what it was (family, you’ve been warned) and I’m also going to pay attention to see if there are other things in my life that I’m treating this way.  What else is bothering me that I could do something about and haven’t?  Where am I unnecessarily seeing myself as a victim?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a computer setting to change.

Thank You, Friends

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Several of my friends – and likely yours, too – have taken their gratitude to Facebook over the course of November, each day listing another blessing in their lives for which they are thankful.

I haven’t done this, primarily because it never occurs to me to start in on November 1st and then I’m behind.  It’s a fun and uplifting exercise.  And yet, I noticed a post where someone was thankful that Facebook had the feature to hide posts from others who were doing this so that he wouldn’t have to endure seeing them.

What?!

How jaded have we become if somebody’s public note of thanks is an event that rubs us the wrong way?  Personally, each note of gratitude I see reminds me of a similar blessing I have and I find myself noting that I’m thankful for that as well.

And so I want to thank my friends who are sharing their gratitude this month.  I’m delighted to see my social networking feeds filled with appreciation, blessing, and joy.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Lessons from Walt

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The following post about Walt Disney is one of the most read pieces I’ve published.  Turns out lots of people are looking for information on Walt’s perseverance.  In any event, I’ve been reminded again how important it is for us to persevere even when we’re tired – maybe especially when we’re tired – of keeping at something.

Well, have you been trying for twenty years?  Me neither.  Keep pressing on….

Walt Disney’s Perseverance  Originally posted February 22, 2011

Travel with me back in time to 1938. It was four years past the original book release of Mary Poppins and Walt Disney made his first attempt to gain rights to transfer the beloved story to film. Mickey Mouse was a big hit and this was the year that Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was released, winning Disney an Oscar (accompanied by seven miniature statues). Really, the Snow White story provides another wonderful example of perseverance, but I’ll try to stay on track.

Anyway, 1938 was a big year for Walt (understatement), so you’d think that when he approached Helen Lyndon Goff (pen name P. L. Travers) she would have been flattered at the opportunity to work with him on a film adaptation of Mary Poppins; but no. Turns out that she didn’t think a film version of her books would do justice to her story; she didn’t want it to be turned into a cartoon.

So Mr. Disney asked again… and again… and again… and again… for 20 YEARS! During that time he released animated classics like Pinocchio, Fantasia and Bambi. He opened Disneyland. He moved out of animated films with Treasure Island, Old Yeller and The Disney Club. These were the golden years of Disney and of course I can’t begin to do justice to these 20 years with a little paragraph here.

And yet year after year, he’d pick up the phone, send a letter, drop by – however it was that Mr. Disney courted Ms. Travers’s business – to try to get the rights to Mary Poppins.

Here’s my commentary: really? Why? How did he see the potential? Why was he so driven? Or was it just a crazy obsession because he’d been told no? And didn’t he have enough going on? Why this? We won’t know… but my mind wanders. Back to the story….

Finally, P. L. Travers gave in and the rest, as they say, is history. Mary Poppins released in 1964 as one of Disney’s most successful musicals. It won Oscars. Julie Andrews won an Oscar. The songs, editing, and visual effects added even more Oscars, resulting in a total of 13. (BTW – all this information is available on Wikipedia and Answers if you want even more information on the topic.)

As you can see, Walt Disney’s perseverance paid off. In my post yesterday, I cited this as something that I found more applicable to me personally than the “hey, look how they picked up after failure” stories. I can relate to doggedly going back to something that I think really needs to get done – just like Disney did with Mary Poppins. I know I wouldn’t have had the insight to see the potential in Mary Poppins, but I can think of things in my life that I shouldn’t give up on. For that I can learn a lesson from Walt.

Even if it takes 20 years.

Savoring the Moment

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This weekend we had one of those too rare family meals where everyone stayed at the table for hours after the food was gone.  I recently learned that my son’s girlfriend hadn’t seen any pictures of him when he was little, so out came the photo albums… along with many stories to tell.

I hope we didn’t bore her.  For the rest of us, it was clear that we were relishing our precious memories.  Having the chance to share those with her anew made us cherish them even more.

Savoring, as we did over our extended meal, is an activity that brings us happiness in the present.  According to Marin E. P. Seligman in his book Authentic Happiness, happiness in the present is part of the three-legged stool of happiness.  (The other two are “satisfaction about the past” and “optimism about the future.”)  We can actively pursue savoring through these five techniques:

  • Sharing With Others: This is what my family did as we shared photographs and memories.
  • Memory Building: Whatever is happening, take a moment to preserve it in your memory.  This could be done by taking a mental snapshot or by obtaining something physical, like a souvenir.
  • Self-congratulation: To quote Dr. Seligman, “Don’t be afraid of pride.  Tell yourself how impressed others are, and remember how long you’ve waited for this to happen.”
  • Sharpening Perceptions: This is all about paying attention to the details.  What spices can you taste in your meal?  How does the house smell when you arrive as a guest?  How does one side of your body feel versus the other while you sit by a fire?  Can you pick out the harmony in a song?
  • Absorption: Just as it sounds, allow yourself to be absorbed in the moment.  Don’t think.  Simply feel it.

Any of these activities is something each of us can do on the spot, right now.  More importantly, we can choose to savor moments when we’re not feeling happy in the present.  Try it out and you’ll likely find that this list will turn a sullen mood around.

Coaching: Anticipation

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Whatever you’re anticipating, it can be used to your advantage.  Discard worry and use anticipation of events to your advantage.  Ready to consider this?

Here we go….

What have you been worrying about lately?  What are you anticipating that’s causing your angst?  Identify it.  Name it.  Recognize it and reflect on it.

Now that you know what it is that’s causing worry, what can you do about it?  Is it in your control?  If so, what can you change?  Is it outside of your control?  Recognize this and let it go.  Really.

Finally, what do you have planned in the future that you are positively anticipating?  A gathering with friends?  The holidays?  A vacation?  Finding a new job?  Buying something special just for you?  Whatever it is, take time each day to anticipate what’s coming your way.  Nothing in the works?  Plan something.  Soon.

Anticipation can work in our favor or it can work against us.  It’s up to us to make the choice of where we want to spend our time and energy.  Anticipate good things!

Positive Anticipation

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Just as anticipation of demanding events can make us more tense, anticipation of something wonderful happening in the future can make us feel joyful right now.  Particularly during stressful times, anticipating a fun and exciting event can lift our spirits.

This is exactly why it’s so important to have positive plans in our future.  As we traverse through stressful times, if all we can see are more demands and, at best, a few mundane happenings, our anticipation will be primarily negative.  It must be balanced out.  Yet too often we leave planning for fun in the hands of others.

Personally, I’ve learned that during stressful times I have a tendency to quit planning for fun – or for much of anything, for that matter.  It’s at these times I know I need to push through my anxiety and make some happy plans. When worry has a hold on you, this is the best time to create something good to anticipate.  It can be something small such as lunch with a friend.  Or something much larger, like a vacation.  Either way, when we have something fun to anticipate, it makes us hopeful in the present.

Anticipation of positive events brings hope and hope is a perfect emotion to balance out our worries.

Oh, the Anticipation!

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It has been said that when left with incomplete information, we fill in the blanks with the worst-case scenario.  Human nature seems to lead us down the path of worry.  Anticipation of the unknown can create a host of anxieties.

What are we doing to ourselves?  Looking back, those events we spend so much time worrying about rarely play up to our negative expectations and often never happen at all.  It’s the anticipation of the event that gets our blood pressure to rise, adding stress to already stressful times.

How can we change?  Here are a few things that have worked for me:

  • Look back at similar circumstances and remind yourself that the worst-case scenario very rarely happens. It likely won’t happen this time, either.
  • Walk through the worst-case scenario playing in your head.  How would you react? What would REALLY be the worst that could happen?  See yourself living through it. Learning from it.
  • To counter the above exercise, walk through the best-case scenario.  See how you can shine in a difficult situation.  As you do this, take note of what you need to do to support this happening so that you are best prepared.
  • Find someone to alleviate your fears by reminding you of your knowledge, your expertise, or your preparedness – whatever it is that you have that is going to carry you through this event.
  • Finally, remember what you are doing to yourself.  Sometimes simply remembering that you are worrying about situations that will likely not take place may bring a little peace.

And then, walk through it.  Make the presentation.  Ask for the raise.  Have that difficult conversation with your kid, spouse or parent.  Step into the hot air balloon.  Put on your party dress.  Go.  Shine.

Coaching Challenge: Learning

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I once heard a conference speaker say that as a manager he would pay for any sort of learning one of his employees wanted to pursue.  Often learning something in one area provides inspiration and insight to us in another.  He knew this.

Whether intentional or as a by-product of a life event, learning is foundational to growth and development.  If you can’t think of a few things you’ve learned over the past couple of days, it’s probably time to pay more attention.  Be more deliberate.

Here we go….

  • Is there something that you want to learn and haven’t yet?  What’s holding you back?  Make a plan to move toward the goal by figuring out whether it’s time, money, or some other commitment needed.  Find what it will take for you to execute and make a plan to get it done.
  • Next time you participate in an activity that isn’t what you usually do, take a few moments following the event and think about what it taught you.  What did you learn about yourself?  About your relationship with the individuals around you?
  • Pull an unread non-fiction book off your bookshelf and read it.  Read them all?  Buy a new one and read it.
  • We learn so much when we teach others.  What do you know that you can pass on?  What would you like to learn more about so that information can be shared?  Like the actions in the first bullet, make a plan to make it happen.

Finally, enjoy the process.  It’s not usually fun when we feel forced to learn something.  When a new topic or idea can be approached with a sense of curiosity and adventure, it’s then that we’re able to learn the most.

Life’s Lessons Learned

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Some things just take time. Unfortunately, we don’t always learn a lesson the first time life presents one to us. But now that I have finally learned a few things that experience has tried to teach me over and over and over again… I’m filled with gratitude for those lessons I’ve learned.

When considering all those things that life has taught, for me the biggest has been patience. As a new manager – and likely when I was a new mother, too – I didn’t have the patience I should have had. So many times I sent email too quickly, voiced my opinion too strongly, and stubbornly thought that others should move as fast and in the same direction as me. I didn’t have time to wait for people to think about what was happening – they should just come along with me and move at my pace!

Augh.

I can’t really say exactly when I found my patience. It was a long process, I’m sure. At some point, though, a mirror was held up to me and I was able to see my impatience clearly. Then, as we often do when we are hit with the hard reality of who-we-are versus who-we-hope-to-be, I began to see over and over and over again how impatient I really was being. And that it had to change.

There are episodes now where my natural tendency to be impatient bubbles up; however, I like to think that I’m more patient than not. And in those instances when I find myself acting as I should instead of how I would have in the past, I’m once again filled with gratitude and thanks that I’ve been given the chance to improve on who I am.

Find me on Facebook: Coach Carolyn

Learn Anything New Lately?

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When was the last time you learned something new?  When was the last time you deliberately learned something new?  Every day we experience events that can teach us something if we look for the lesson.  I’m not talking about that.  I’m talking about the last time you decided that you needed to know more about a particular topic or wanted to learn a new skill – and then you went and gained that new knowledge.

Been a while?

One of the more rewarding parts of having a career focused in professional development is routinely having the opportunity to explore new subjects.  How can I pass on information about goal setting or time management or even write these posts without taking the time to learn something new?  I’m learning something new all the time.

While it’s interesting to me to have new information, the best part about learning is this: I can’t learn something new without learning something new about myself as well.  This is why it’s important.  Learning something new creates an environment for our personal growth, too.

So whether I read a book about an historical event, listen to a lecturer on a topic, or conduct an extensive Internet search on a particular theme, I come away knowing something more about what I believe, what I know to be true, or thinking about why I should change going forward.  It can’t be helped.  Knowledge impacts us this way.

Returning to where we began: when was the last time you deliberately learned something new?

Maybe it’s time.

Coaching Challenge: Setbacks

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We all have setbacks throughout our careers and as we move toward our goals.  Sometimes it’s a deadline missed.  Other times it’s a hoped-for outcome that doesn’t come to pass.  And from time to time individuals can let us down.  Regardless of what’s happened, it’s important for each of us to take stock of what’s been learned and – more importantly – move ahead.

Have you had a recent setback that you haven’t quite gotten over yet?  Keep it in mind as we go through today’s coaching challenge.

Here we go….

  • Take time to write out what you’ve learned from this recent setback.  As much as possible, recognize the positive and those things that will provide wisdom as you continue toward your goal.
  • Once the list is complete, take a moment to be grateful. These lessons learned have made you smarter about what to do next.  Recognize this as a good thing.
  • If you find that you’re blaming someone else, decide to forgive and let it go.  Focus on what you could have done differently.  You can only change you.
  • Identify the next step you will take to move forward and make a plan to do it.
  • Going forward, decide now how you will react to the next setback you face.  Maybe you’ll set aside time to wallow and then be done.  Maybe you’ll go right into figuring out what you’ve learned.  Whatever it is, have a game plan.  There will be another setback.  Plan for it.

Finally, if resilience is something that isn’t your strength and if setbacks knock you out for quite a while, find someone to talk to about it or pick up a book on the topic.  Resilience can be learned and how you react to setbacks can make you stronger.

Moving Beyond Setback

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We know we should be resilient; pick ourselves up after a setback and move forward.  Carry on.

When it comes right down to it, what exactly does this MEAN?  If you’re like me, you may find checklists and action steps to be very helpful.  When I’m feeling lousy and wanting more to wallow in a little self-pity than to truly move ahead, being told what to do next can be beneficial.

It’s because of this that I found the 10 Ways to Deal with Setbacks article from TechRepublic to be sound advice.  Below are suggestions regarding what to do when failure has come knocking at your door.  As the article says – tips for prevailing even when things go wrong.

  • Step back and reflect
  • Find a confidante
  • Stay positive
  • Focus on the future more than the past
  • Learn from the experience
  • Be careful regarding blame
  • Find a way to benefit
  • Write about your experience
  • Teach others
  • Remember that failure isn’t final

Yes, it’s definitely easier to read the list than to actually do it all.  But then, wallowing in self-pity isn’t a compelling option, either.  Taking each one, one step at a time, will help you move forward after a setback and will assist your efforts to progress past any setback.

Responding to Setbacks

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As you may have gathered from the posts I publish here, I’m a positive person. Because I focus on goals, taking risks, going for it, finding the silver lining, sharing compliments, being grateful, and so much more; I sometimes get comments from people that imply that my life is charmed and lucky – somehow disappointment and setback free.

Whatever.

I’m here to tell you that plenty of disappointments come through the Baana household. We disappoint one another. Friends and circumstances disappoint us. We live in Fargo so the weather regularly disappoints!

What might be different is how we react in our disappointment. Sure, at first we may rant, scream… even swear. Or pout. And then we continue to love each other, our friends, and even Fargo.

When it comes to circumstance, we need to move past the setback and move on. I’ve mentioned before that during these times my favorite question to ask is, “What have I learned from this experience?” As that question is answered, I see the reason behind the setback and figure out how to apply the learning going forward. At least I like to think that’s what happens. Sometimes the pouting goes on for a while before I get to that enlightened moment.

It goes back to what John C. Maxwell points out in his book Failing Forward: the key to overcoming disappointment/failure/set-backs doesn’t happen by changing circumstances. It begins with a personal desire to be teachable. It begins within us.

Continuing to paraphrase from the book… If you’re willing to do that, then you’ll be able to handle the disappointments, setbacks and failures that come your way.

Coaching: Execution

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We can plan and dream all we want; however, until we actually begin to DO something, that’s all that will remain – plans and dreams.  Without execution, our plans and dreams will never become reality.

What have you been putting off?  What dream seems too big to move toward?  Or too small to bother with?  Pick a plan or a dream that has been hanging out there and keep it in mind as you plan to take action.

Ready to create a little momentum?

Here we go….

What one thing can you do to move closer to your goal?  Usually this first action is small – though it may not be.

Write it down.

As you consider this first step, what must you do to make it happen?  Is there a person you need to engage?  Time that should be set aside?  Additional information needed? Considering this, does your description of your action change?

Modify this first step so it is very specifically what you need to do to move forward.  Call so-and-so.  Set aside 30 minutes next week to do X.  Spend 60 minutes researching topic A.  Get to the nuts-and-bolts of what movement toward your goal means.

Now, write down the outcome you expect to achieve from your action.  This is the meat of what will move you toward your goal and it will help you gain momentum, giving you motivation to move to the next step.

Got it?  Once you realize that outcome, what will you do next?  Take this information and define the next action after that.  And the one after that.  Make a plan to keep executing.

Before you know it, your dream will be in reach.

It’s all about execution.

It’s Time To Do Your Dream

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Think about the power of putting action behind your dream.

To walk through the possibilities, let’s start with a “small” dream – taking a vacation. For many people taking a vacation seems like a dream out of reach.

“Work will fall apart without me.”

“We can’t afford it.”

“The clean-up when I get back to the office just isn’t worth it.”

Etc. Etc. Etc.

However, when we decide to follow our dream, each of these can be rebutted and actions taken to support the desired end result.

Work will fall apart without me. First, I’m only buying this one if you’re a one-person shop. You aren’t that indispensable and if you are, then perhaps you do need to leave so that others understand all that you do – but that’s a post for another day! Back to following the dream… if this is true, steps can be made to mitigate potential problems. This is your dream! Plan in advance; recruit others to help you; hire administrative help. Whatever it takes, you’ll get creative because you have a dream.

Can’t afford it? Give something up and start putting that money aside for your get-away. My sister-in-law once pointed out that just $50 a paycheck set aside would get her to a tropical island within a year. Or maybe your trip is a gift to yourself when you get a bonus or pay off a credit card. Again, with focus you could overcome this obstacle as well.

Clean-up not worth it? Well, I’d argue that it always is; but if I can’t convince you of that here’s a creative idea for those of you who live in an email centric world. I heard about someone who put on his out-of-office replies that all emails he received during his time away were headed right to the trash bin and if it was important, please send the email after he returned. Do you love this?!

All of these things take conscious effort. Without the dream as a guide, either the vacation might not take place or the concerns may actually be realized, reinforcing that vacations are tough to take, afford and return from. The dream helps make it better all around.

Now, think about the power of putting action behind your dream. Buying a lake home. Having a baby. Retiring. Changing careers. Buying new furniture. Going to college. Starting a business. Cleaning out the garage. Volunteering in Africa. Planning a family reunion.

The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do. ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

Do your dream.

Time To Execute

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A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work. ~Colin Powell

Oh, yes.  We must work to achieve our dreams.  We must execute.

Have you worked in an environment that lacked execution?  A place where a lot of talking without a lot of action was the norm?  A friend of mine recently moved on to a new employer because of the lack of execution at his company.  For those of us with a propensity to action, lack of execution can be excruciating.

That said, from time to time we all fail to execute, do we not?  Procrastination is tempting when action is difficult, unpopular or boring.

In Creating a Charmed Life, author Victoria Moran reminds us to “take the next action life presents.”  This comes from the chapter Do the Next Indicated Thing – a mantra I recite when I simply don’t feel like executing.  Often, that next indicated thing is something small: wash your face before you go to bed; gather the ATM receipts before you go to the bank; plan this week’s meals before going grocery shopping; create an agenda before running a meeting.  These are the small steps taken to move toward goals.  Steps to move toward checking items off our to-do list.

It’s Monday and a perfect time to plan your execution strategy for the week.  What have you been putting off?

It’s time to execute.

Coaching Challenge: Dreaming

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It was a short week for blog posts so today’s coaching challenge will be short, too.  That doesn’t mean it won’t be challenging, though!

Here we go….

  • Identify a few of your little dreams that you’ve been pushing aside because they seem insignificant.  Or at least not important enough to prioritize.  Now, prioritize them.  Set some time aside in the next week to get one or two of these done.  And then, enjoy accomplishing your little dream.
  • Create a bucket list.  If you have one, update it.  Put it up in your office or cubical.  Prioritize the items.  Pick one to shoot for in the next year.
  • Ask someone else what is on his or her bucket list.  You’ll have a fun conversation.  I promise.

Whether you’re dreaming of something to do three years from now or next week, dreaming, like setting goals, gives us a sense of direction and purpose.  Move toward your dreams, both big and small.

Bucket List Dreams

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When I have the opportunity to speak on goal-setting, I always begin with a “Bucket List” exercise.  These dreams are long-term goals in disguise, which is why I start here.

Usually only about half the participants have thought about what they want to do, where they want to go, or things they want to acquire before they kick the proverbial bucket.  Regardless, every group dives in with amazing energy as they discuss, share, and compare their dreams.

There are always wannabe skydivers, fiscally responsible debt-payers, and sightseers to every corner of the planet.  There are also unique dreams which surface, too.  Either way, I’ve never seen anyone embarrassed by these dreams, common or not.  Instead, as ideas are shared everyone is challenged to grow their own list further.

Perhaps it’s a silly exercise.  After all, most of us will likely only be able to complete a portion of our list.  On the other hand, I’d rather have something to dream about; something to remind myself that I’m doing what I’m doing today so that I can fulfill a dream tomorrow.

Yes, some dreams are small.  But it’s fun to dream some big, bold dreams as well.

Checking an item off my bucket list in a hot air balloon over Sedona, AZ.