Tag Archives: accountability

The Ultimate Offensive Weapon

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tortilla-chipsAt breakfast this morning I announced that I am no longer buying tortilla chips.  My husband and I can’t handle having them in the house.  Period.

This may seem extreme – and if you saw my pantry, you might think that I am.  It holds no sandwich cookies, no breakfast pastries, no peanut butter with sugar added.  Most of what you’ll find there is pretty darn healthy.  It’s not that we are saints when it comes to our food choices.  It’s that I understand that it’s better for me to be an abstainer versus a moderator.

Gretchen Rubin, author of the book The Happiness Project and blog by the same name recently asserted, “More people would benefit from abstaining,” than from thinking that they can consume one or two of [insert naughty food of choice] and then simply quit.

This being true – at least for me – then it’s best to have the chips stay on the shelf at the grocery store versus having them taunt me from my pantry shelf at 8:00PM each night.

Not buying chips is what Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney describe in their book Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength as an implementation plan.

It’s easier to resist the temptation to go into debt if you enter the store with a firm implementation plan, like, If I shop for clothes, I will buy only what I can pay for with the cash in my wallet.  Every time you follow this kind of rule, it becomes more routine, until eventually it seems to happen automatically and you have a lasting technique for conserving willpower: a habit.

As they go on to say, “Precommitment is the ultimate offensive weapon,” and I am precommitting to abstain from chip eating.

We’ll see how that goes.

Time To Execute

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A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work. ~Colin Powell

Oh, yes.  We must work to achieve our dreams.  We must execute.

Have you worked in an environment that lacked execution?  A place where a lot of talking without a lot of action was the norm?  A friend of mine recently moved on to a new employer because of the lack of execution at his company.  For those of us with a propensity to action, lack of execution can be excruciating.

That said, from time to time we all fail to execute, do we not?  Procrastination is tempting when action is difficult, unpopular or boring.

In Creating a Charmed Life, author Victoria Moran reminds us to “take the next action life presents.”  This comes from the chapter Do the Next Indicated Thing – a mantra I recite when I simply don’t feel like executing.  Often, that next indicated thing is something small: wash your face before you go to bed; gather the ATM receipts before you go to the bank; plan this week’s meals before going grocery shopping; create an agenda before running a meeting.  These are the small steps taken to move toward goals.  Steps to move toward checking items off our to-do list.

It’s Monday and a perfect time to plan your execution strategy for the week.  What have you been putting off?

It’s time to execute.

Follow The Leader

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There can’t be any leaders if there are no followers and each leader must lead at least one person, usually many.  I’m doing the math and figure there are more followers out there than leaders, yet an Amazon search brings up over 100,000 results for “leadership” versus 236 for “followership.”  Seems like it should be the other way around.

In any event, we are followers even if we’re also leaders.  Most of us are leading in some ways, following in others.  These are roles, after all, not permanent titles affixed to us regardless of circumstance.  And most of the time we’re followers, not leaders (again, simply doing the math…).

Given this, how many of us have spent time thinking about how we can be better followers?  Observing the scant number of books on the topic, my guess is just a few.

So how can we be better followers?

  • Listen  We’ve got to hear what our leaders are saying if we’re going to effectively follow.  Knowing what our leaders need is found in the words they say.  We must hear them.
  • Trust  Our leader has been put in place because of his or her expertise, experience, and understanding of the organization.  Trust that he or she knows what’s going on and has put thought into decisions made.  If a decision doesn’t make sense, there may be something you don’t know that he or she does.  Believe they have good intentions.
  • Manage Up  Fill your leader in on what you are doing.  Don’t withhold information.  Be honest when you encounter roadblocks.  Ask for help when you need it.  Don’t surprise them at the last minute with bad news.  Share good news, too.
  • Follow First  Get on board with ideas and changes quickly.  Be an advocate for what needs to be done.  Don’t drag your feet and push back on inevitable change.  Watch First Follower: Leadership Lessons from Dancing Guy.  “The first follower transforms the lone nut into a leader.”

Ultimately, what each of us can do best as followers is to follow the lead of the leader.  The leader will tell us how we can best follow if we listen, trust, and follow.

We Are All Followers

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Following a tweet, over the weekend I was lead to an article on being a follower.  Reading this got me thinking about how much time and attention is focused on being a leader and yet we rarely see articles on how to be a good follower.

And we are all followers.

With this focus on leadership, followers are sometimes characterized as sheep, conformists, maybe even lazy.  After all, if we were really bringing our A-game, then we’d clearly be the leader, right?

Without realizing it, many of us think this way.  And at the same time we’ve also observed situations where there were too many people trying to lead and relatively few willing to dig in and do the work.  Not enough participants willing to follow someone else’s lead.

It may be time to ditch this notion that being a follower is a bad thing and focus instead on how to follow well.  I know there have been times where I’ve spent too much time focusing on how (I thought) I could lead something better than the leader, which could only result in being a pretty poor follower.  Had I been a better follower, it likely would have been better for the organization and probably better for my career, too.

So where are you trying to lead when you should really be following?  It’s a question I’ll be asking myself more and more.

Coaching: Expectations

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Regardless of whether we set our own expectations or someone else sets them for us, the expectations placed upon us can either motivate or discourage us.  It depends on whether we meet them or not, right?!  When thinking about the expectations you have for your career, your relationships, or other areas of your life, keep in mind that the source and the essence of these expectations plays a role in how you feel about your success.  With that in mind, let’s dig a little deeper.

Here we go….

Where do your expectations come from?  Have you set them yourself or have you accepted them from someone else?

First, think about those you have set for yourself.  How realistic are they?  Are they a source of motivation or do you use them to beat yourself up?  What would a motivating expectation look like for you?  How can you rewrite your own expectations so that you aren’t letting yourself down?

And for those expectations that have been given to you, have you accepted them freely or are they being imposed on you?  Those being imposed by someone other than your employer should be accepted or let go.  For those being accepted by you, how can you make them your own?  This will help make them motivators for you.

Finally, examine your relationships and be sure that you aren’t imposing your own expectations on someone else unnecessarily.  Your relationship will benefit from it.

I expect to take a long, relaxing weekend.  I hope you do as well!  Enjoy every last moment of summer.

Outside Expectations

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As high as our own expectations may be, it seems like we all have at least one person in our lives whose expectations we will never meet.  There’s always someone out there that thinks we should be more, do more, or have more.  Unfortunately, often these people also don’t come right out and tell us what they expect, they just let us know when we’ve let them down by not meeting those unsaid expectations.

As frustrating as this can be, this is about them.  Not you.

Read through that first paragraph again.  When put in its abstract form, you can readily see that there isn’t much of anything you can do to meet an unsaid, implied, or vague expectation.  It’s out of your hands.

In this circumstance, what matters is how we react to the situation.  Granted, if the person is close to us it’s difficult to not feel like we’ve let him or her down.  And if we haven’t met our own expectations as well, adding the knowledge that we’ve let someone else down can make everything seem worse.

Not fair.

In an ideal world, we’d be able to let the person know that placing expectations on us isn’t fair and that it should stop because it’s not helpful.  And right now you’re thinking, “Yeah, right.  Have you met my mom (or dad, or spouse, or friend)?”

OK, maybe that conversation isn’t going to happen.  What can happen is that you can anticipate it, remind yourself that it’s not about you, and then when it comes refuse to let it demean you in any way.

When we miss expectations that have been clearly set and that we’ve agreed to, we need to come clean, own up to whatever we did to miss the mark, and take responsibility for what comes next.  When expectations are undefined and misplaced, they are not ours to own.  Don’t take them on after the fact.  Just listen and move on.

A Bit Too Bold

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While many people must strive for boldness, to others it comes quite naturally.  For you, as with so many things, there is the opportunity to over-do boldness.  To be too assertive.  Brash, even.

Harnessing this strength and figuring out how to use it most effectively can be a challenge.  On the other hand, doing so can also bring tremendous benefit.  Unfortunately, the work that needs to be done often presents itself as something to avoid.  Thoughts like “I need to watch what I say,” or “I should have been less pushy…” are what can come to mind.

More effectively, think about what can be done instead to balance out aggressive behavior.  Choose to listen more.  Practice patience.  Breathe.

Finding this balance will help to provide direction regarding when to engage boldly.  That said, remember that your boldness is a gift, a strength to be used and enjoyed.  Don’t shift so far in your attempt to balance that you lose who you really are.  You must, after all, boldly be you.

Coaching Challenge: Focus

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It’s the rare individual who is always focused on what he or she has to do, so I’m going to go with the assumption that we could all improve in this area.  That means that I’m going to throw out some challenges instead of having you simply think about your focus.  C’mon!  We all need to quit putting off something.  Time to quit thinking and start doing!

Here we go…

  • Scrub your to-do list.  What’s been on there the longest?  Dig deep and figure out why you’re avoiding that task.  Do what you need to do to get it done or give the task to someone else.  No to-do list?  Create one.
  • Identify something that you always delay doing – like my example of house cleaning.  Create or find a monitoring system to help keep you honest and timely with that chore.  Use it.
  • Think about the biggest thing you’ve been avoiding.  Identify how it ties to your long-term goals.  Remember why it landed on your list in the first place.  Think about who your procrastination impacts and who will be impacted when you complete the goal.  Recognize the motivation this creates and take advantage of it to get it done.
  • Spend the next week paying attention to when you lose your focus.  Is it in a certain environment?  At a regular time-of-day?  Schedule time for your biggest to-dos to match when you are at your best.

Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. ~Pablo Picasso

Focusing On A Deadline

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One way to ensure we stay focused is to be up against a deadline.  It doesn’t matter if the deadline is given to us or if we create it ourselves, but it must be inflexible as I wrote about back in December of last year.

The Power Of A Deadline

I had the absolute pleasure of hosting a girlfriend gathering last night.  As I maneuvered the floor cleaner across the tile before they arrived, I joked about how inviting people over is a great way to get the house cleaned up.  Amazing what a little pressure and a deadline will do for our motivation, isn’t it?

It’s the same in business. When I was a project manager I found that I needed to set deadlines in order to keep myself and others on task. Even now as an entrepreneur I must find ways to hold myself accountable to be sure I move forward with the work that needs to be done.

Turns out research supports this need as well. A study mentioned in Willpower by Baumeister and Tierney shows that students with a propensity to procrastinate will push out completing work when they know a deadline is flexible. To the point, even, of leaving so much work until the end that the project cannot be completed.

Which brings us back to me cleaning my floors yesterday afternoon… I had an inflexible deadline because I knew someone would walk through the door around 7:00 PM and I knew exactly what I needed to get done before that time. So I did. Did my floors need cleaning before yesterday?  With three people and three dogs living in the house, most certainly!  But by having a deadline I finally prioritized the work.

Funny, I also finished getting my expenses into QuickBooks yesterday.  I have a meeting with my accountant today. See a pattern?

Deadlines are not just given to us by others. They are something we can create on our own, complete with accountability and the rigidity needed to make them powerful.

What work have you been putting off? Perhaps it’s time to give yourself a deadline.

Be Confident

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Fortunately I’ve actually had very little time with bad bosses during my career.  The few that I’ve had have been pretty short-term and that, of course, was a very good thing.

While working for one particular manager who wasn’t among the best I’ve had, I learned again what I already knew to be true… but had neglected at the very worst time.  When starting a new role, I found myself without the confidence and assuredness that I normally hold.

As is often the case when coming into a new position, I was pretty much thrown into it with little preparation and little support.  A mistake managers often make with new employees: expecting that they know everything they need to know coming into the role.  Nobody ever can possibly have all the information they need on day one.  Anyway… that wasn’t the issue.

The issue was not knowing the intricacies of the job – and believing that everyone around me thought I should know them all – shot down my confidence.  When it came time for me to stand up for what my team needed, I gave up and backed down.  I knew the decisions being made were wrong, but I didn’t believe in myself enough to push as hard as I needed to.  I paid for it later.

Within a short time, I found a new role and moved on with another lesson in my pocket.

Trust my gut; be confident; and never be afraid to ask for information.

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Coaching: Defining Your Life

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On the surface, the posts this week seem to be on varying topics; however, they do have a theme.  It’s all been about how you define each aspect of your life and how much control, or even responsibility, you take for every area.

Unfortunately we often give a lot of our power away to other people – people who may not even know that they’ve played a part in how we define success, happiness, balance or fulfillment.  At the top of your list of “who has input” for each of these should be YOU.  Is it?  Let’s dig a little deeper.

Here we go….

When thinking about your personal success, happiness, balance and fulfillment, which feels the most out-your-control to you?  Keep this particular area in mind as we continue.

Who are you allowing to have influence?  Does it make sense?  How would they respond if they knew?  How can you take the power back from them?  You realize you’ve given your power away, right?

Take five minutes to think about what these things mean to you.  Success not derived from metrics given to you at work but clearly set by you and on your terms.  Happiness defined by what you’ve chosen to include in your life, not dictated by others.  Fulfillment realized by what makes you feel full inside.  Balance achieved by all areas of your life being filled to the same capacity – and what each of those areas in your life is, be it family, work, faith, community, or any other you choose, is completely defined by you.

What makes you feel successful?  What makes you feel happy?  What makes you feel fulfilled?  What makes you feel balanced?

OK, it might take more than five minutes.

If nothing else, begin to shift your thinking.  Begin to see your life for what it is – your life.  Yours.

Own it.

Ready to make a change and can’t figure out where to start?  The first call is always free. Learn more…

Defining Balance

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“Balance” is a myth.  You know that, right?  What we must strive for is fulfillment, our balance coming from each area of our lives being properly filled, not precariously balanced.  More on fulfillment tomorrow.  Until then, here’s what balance looked like for me last year.  It looks very different for me now.  I had it then and I have it now because I continue to define it for myself.  As should you.

My Balanced Life originally posted January 24, 2011

I have a balanced life.

Most evenings I leave work somewhere around 5:00 PM. I see my kids, parents, and extended family. I even cook for my family quite a bit. Once or twice a week, my husband and I walk the dogs (when it’s above freezing, anyway). I spend time with my friends. Lately I’ve been making time to exercise. I regularly update my Facebook status.

On the flip side, I’m going to grad school. I lead three or four global projects in one of the largest, well-known companies in the world. I missed Platinum status with Delta by about 1500 miles last year. I eat my lunch at my desk (or by my computer if I’m working from home) more days than not. I coach a handful of people each week.

And yes, I have a balanced life.

Balance is a funny thing. What might look nuts to you is balanced to me. Why? Because my balance is all mine. And your balance is all yours. That’s the beauty and the trouble with it. The beauty is that it is yours to find and have. The trouble is that it’s all up to you.

Sorry.

Not your boss. Not your spouse. Not your mother-in-law who won’t drop everything to stay with your sick kid. You.

I know the moment when I claimed my balance. When I declared that my life was mine and I was taking it back. Claiming and doing are not the same, mind you. It took more than that singular moment to find my balance and it would be a lie if I said it wasn’t work to maintain it. 10 years later, it can still be a daily decision to keep everything in line.

So what does balance look like for you? And what is that first step you can take? For me, it was leaving my laptop at the office when work really could wait until the next day. When I got pretty good at that, I added another step… It’s OK to have dinner at 7:00; I give the kids a snack while they watch me make supper and we eat later. And then another… I will not forgo girlfriend time, ever. And then another…

Claim your balance. It’s up to you.

Thanks for reading! Now head on over to Facebook and join me there!

Receiving Tough Feedback

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All conversations are two-way, or at least they should be.  So when considering difficult discussions where one person is delivering honest feedback to another, there is, of course, a receiver of the information.  As I honestly shared in Listen To Their Feedback, I’m not always a fan of being on the receiving end.

However, as one considers the thought and consideration that goes into being a deliverer of critical feedback, it’s important to remember this as the recipient.  Very few individuals enjoy having a conversation like this on either side.  To lash out at the messenger is probably not fair.

So when receiving feedback that is less than appealing, it’s best to keep quiet, listen and – here’s the hard part – thank the person for delivering the information to you.  It is a gift.  It aught to be treated that way.

No defensiveness.  No excuses.  Listen.  Thank them.

Then you can go stew on the information for a while.  Call someone to vent.  Yell.  Cry.  Whatever it is that the feedback makes you feel like doing.

And if the feedback is relevant and true, choose to change.

Coaching: Ego

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Where’s your ego getting you?  Sure, it can be helpful… but more often than not, ego gets in the way.  Building on the ideas presented here this week, here are a few questions to think about when it comes to your ego.

Here we go….

Do you have any opportunities in front of you that are simply ego boosters?  When you look at it realistically, what’s the bottom line?  Only do what is truly good for you, your career and your relationships.

In what relationship are you placing more importance on yourself than with the other person?  How is this stroking your ego?  How would things change if you served them instead of looking for this person to serve you?

How’s your sarcasm?  Are you really funny or are you cutting?  When you cut, who’s left bleeding?  Is it worth it?

And finally, what are you afraid to do because it will do damage to your fragile ego?  What if you did it anyway?

Set your ego aside and watch your relationships, career and opportunities flourish.

Letting Go Of Ego

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Yesterday’s post was really about ego getting in the way of looking hard at an opportunity to see if it’s real or not.  That got me thinking… in what other ways does my ego get in the way?

Ha!  The better question might be this: in what areas of life does ego NOT get in the way?

While our egos can impact many decisions we make, it often does the most damage to our relationships.  As mentioned in the post Being A Good Friend, to be a true friend we need to check our egos at the door far more than we do.  We have to believe that her time is as valuable ours, her words more important than the next thing we have to say, her success worth celebrating, and the friendship worth nurturing.

We also have to let go of our ego to apologize.  There’s a story reflecting this in How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age about Beth – someone who worked well with everyone… except Harvey.  Realizing her part in the dispute, she said the following:

“You know, Harvey, I’ve got a lot of feedback here, and the first thing I want to say is that I’m positive about a lot of it.  The next thing I want to say is that there are some things at which I want to be better.  I’ve been disrespectful to you, the company, and the traditions of the company.  Please accept my apologies.  There is no excuse for this behavior.”

Wow.  And how else could Harvey respond except to own up to his part in the deal (which he did)?

So, how is your ego getting in the way of having better relationships?  Perhaps it’s time to let go of your ego and let humility shine through.

Coaching Challenge: Preparation

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This week’s coaching challenge comes a day early as I plan to enjoy a long weekend with family and friends for Easter.  Grab your pen and paper and get ready to think about what you are preparing for and why.

Here we go…

We’re all preparing for something, intentional or not.  Here are a few ideas about how to become more intentional about your preparations.

  • If you continue to sidestep preparations for something that you say is important to you, figure out why.  Perhaps you have conflicting goals, or maybe what you say you want isn’t really what you want.  Maybe it’s what is expected of you or it’s important to someone else.
  • Practice, practice, practice.  Do you have something that you want excel at?  Set aside some time each day to focus on practice.
  • Let go of perfection.  I heard someone say this week that the pursuit of perfection destroys the good.  Accept that being prepared is what you are striving for, not perfection.

As you approach the long weekend, prepare to have a good time with friends and family.  Prepare to consume good food and drink.  Prepare to find time for rest and relaxation so next week is better because of it.  Prepare to smile and laugh a lot.

And then, enjoy!

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Coaching: Time Management

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Time management is not a very exciting topic. But time management is what ensures our balance. Time management creates time for important relationships. Well-managed time reduces stress. The discipline of owning our schedules instead of letting them own us is often what needs to be brought into play as a first step in gaining control in many, many areas of life. With that thought in mind, let’s close the week by moving through a mini coaching engagement. As always, I invite you to really think about and write down your answers.

Here we go…

When was the last time you really paid attention to how you spend your time? How often do you ensure you have time planned for friends, family or yourself? If you haven’t been paying attention (or if one of these areas has been neglected), pick one – friends, family or you – to focus on in the next two weeks. What will be your first step to get more time allocated to this priority? When can you make that happen?

How purposeful are you in choosing what you do every day? How often do you say “yes” to whatever lands in front of you without giving it much thought? What would happen if you paused before saying “yes?” In that pause, think about what purpose it would serve to have that event/meeting/gathering on your calendar. No purpose? I challenge you to say “no.”

I wish you a weekend – and a lifetime, for that matter – filled with friends, family and a little time for yourself. Live with purpose and remember, as Stephen Covey has said, the key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.

Visit the Breakthrough Strategies website!

The Choice Is Yours

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“Oh, I’m too busy to….”

Complete the sentence with what you’ve said or what others have said to you.  To check Facebook, to go to coffee with a friend, to exercise, to go on vacation, to watch T.V., etc., etc., etc.

No you’re not.

Millions of people do all those things.  Often.  Sometimes every day.  Do you really think you’re busier than all of them?  I don’t.  I think you’ve prioritized differently than all of them.

Not everyone, but many who use the “I’m too busy to…” line also wear the my-crazy-life martyr hat as well.  After all, all the things these people must do have been thrust at them, right?

Wrong.  Each one of us has more control over our lives and our time than we take.

Read that again.

You are busy because you have made yourself busy.  Of course, kid events, charities, church and work are important.  But the time they take from your life is completely up to you.

So next time you hear yourself beginning to say, “Oh, I’m too busy to…” remember that the truth is more like, “I choose other events and activities before doing….”

And the choice is yours.

Check out this week’s Coaching Tip on improving productivity!

Coaching: Honesty

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As stated earlier in the week, honesty is a tough subject to take on because most of us see ourselves as honest people.  That said, most of us likely recognize that we have room for improvement in this area as well. I suppose that may be true for many of the topics tackled here.  As always, I invite you to really think about your answers and write them down if that makes the exercise more powerful for you.

Here we go…

Starting with yourself first, what area needs a more honest look?  These usually are areas that we’re avoiding – like my example of avoiding the scale because I didn’t want to honestly know what my weight was.  What are you avoiding so that you don’t have to really know about or deal with?  Your finances?  Your boss?  A coworker?  The scale?  How can you lean into your discomfort and make a true assessment of reality?  Once you know where you are, you can better define a new path to make changes.

Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise. ~Sigmund Freud

Moving on to the definition of “honest” and what that really means, how has it changed for you after reading the posts this week?  Did you, like me, see honesty as simply truth-telling?  When have you shared a truth with intentions that weren’t pure and upright?  Would you handle it differently now?  How?

Sometimes it’s good to look at ourselves and figure out how we can make some honest changes.  Of course, that requires that we have the courage to be honest with ourselves.

Visit the Breakthrough Strategies website!

What I’ve Honestly Learned

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This week’s topic of Honesty has been a learning experience for me.  I came into the week thinking about the subject in the rather black-and-white terms of lying versus truth telling and now I’m coming to understand that there is so much more to it than that.  Now I find honesty aligning more with integrity and authenticity.  Truth is still an important component, of course; however, it’s not the only piece.  Perhaps not even the most important piece.

We can tell the truth and not be honest.  That thought never occurred to me before.  Now that it has, I can think of many examples where the truth was told with bad intention, without fairness or uprightness, with insincerity in the hoped-for result.

Confession time: I can even think of a time or two where that truth came from me.  I suppose that’s why this has been a learning experience for me.

So, I’m an honest person… as are most of you.  What’s changed?  From here on out, when I share a hard truth with someone I will also examine my principles and intentions.  I’ll be sure that I’m speaking with fairness and sincerity.  I will be genuine and authentic.

If I have ulterior motives, I now know that telling the truth may not, in fact, be honest.  Honestly, the truth may need to be kept until the time comes when it can be shared in a way that meets this new, higher standard.

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. ~Thomas Jefferson

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