Tag Archives: accountability

Be Honest With Yourself

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A few people have made comments lately that lead me to believe that I might not be the only one who has found it difficult to be honest with myself from time to time.  When it comes to being honest and having integrity, how can we really exhibit those values externally if we aren’t able do so with ourselves?  In addition to living these values, being honest with ourselves is important in setting and achieving goals, too.

Several months ago I began a new fitness plan.  As part of the program, it was suggested that participants should take “before” pictures and record measurements.

I didn’t.

While I knew my physical situation had gotten bad enough so that I was ready to start exercising, I wasn’t ready to be honest about the specifics of where I was.  And while that didn’t keep me from starting, I don’t know what my actual progress has been.

So what does that hurt?  In this example, not much.  It did, however, show me how we protect ourselves from the truth from time to time.  Similarly, there are times when it can be harmful if we fail to hold up a mirror and look at the truth about who we are and what we hope to be.  When we’re defensive about feedback given, when we make excuses to skip events, or if we ignore our finances, not only do we lack integrity internally; we’re likely not being very honest with those around us as well.

What have you been ignoring or avoiding?  Maybe it’s time to hold up a mirror.

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Your Response Can Change Your World

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Events happen every day that could change the course of our lives.  These events can be good, bad or neutral – and our reaction to them can be good, bad or neutral.  Essentially the very same experience can create profoundly different consequences for various people as well.

A job loss can be the best thing that happens to one person and yet seemingly the worst thing to someone else.

An introduction to a particular person can be a single, non-event to somebody and life changing to another individual.

A college job can be “just a paycheck” to one student and the beginning of a life-long career to his or her co-worker.

How we respond to events creates our future, explained in part with Dr. John Krumboltz’s Happenstance Learning Theory.  This theory states that if we are to respond positively to happenings in our lives, we need to answer with the following:

  • Curiosity
  • Persistence
  • Flexibility
  • Optimism
  • Risk Taking

In thinking about a job loss, for example, approaching the future with curiosity, persistence, flexibility, optimism and risk taking is bound to bring more positive results than wallowing in apathy, feebleness, rigidity, pessimism and hesitancy.

Our perspective and attitude can impact so much.

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Coaching: Motivation

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Motivation is something that we sometimes think others should do for us.  We expect our bosses to motivate us, expect project managers to give us a reason to be motivated to be a part of their project, and even listen to motivational speakers as well.

Like so many things, we can only be motivated if we want to be motivated.  And often, what motivates us is entirely up to us.  Unique to us.  With that in mind, here are a few thoughts to find ways to motivate yourself.  Even on Friday.

Here we go….

Have you taken the time to identify your long-term goals or your values?  How do the things on your to-do list tie into those?  Support them?  What can you do to help remember how important these things are to you?

How purposeful are your days?  How can you be more deliberate in what you choose to do?  What are you not motivated to do that really should be removed from your calendar?  How can you make more purposeful choices in the future?

And finally, what visual reminders – primes – can you put in your path to remind you and motivate you to do what you told yourself that you’d do?  Commit to placing primers in your path going forward.

This week has helped my own motivation.  So I can tell you that blogging about motivation is also motivating.

Hey, it worked for me!

I’d love to be your coach!  Learn more about the services I offer by navigating to my company website, Breakthrough Strategies.

Coaching: Expectations

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Ending the week as we started it, asking these same questions…

What sort of expectations do you have?  Are you a person who thinks we should be expectation free so as to avoid disappointment?  Or do you see expectations similar to goals: ideas that provide forward movement and something to strive for?

Regardless of whether you specifically set expectations or not, they are out there.  Even if you don’t set any specifically, others have expectations of you.  Saying you have none doesn’t negate their existence.  Expectations are everywhere and come from everyone.

With this in mind, let’s dig a little deeper into what this might mean for you.

Here we go….

How often do you deliberately set expectations?  What would happen if you did more of this?

Are there any areas of your life where you aren’t living up to the expectations of others?  Have you allowed them to set expectations to high?  How can you reset those expectations?

Perhaps you have no idea what is expected of you.  This can be dangerous, particularly at work.  What will it take to figure out what’s expected?  How can you make that happen?

On the flip side, if you have expectations of someone else and haven’t told that person what those expectations are… it’s probably time to do that.

In any event, we can either allow others to have whatever wild and whimsical expectations they want – or we can help ground those expectations in reality.  Once realistic expectations have been set, then we can set about meeting or perhaps even blowing those expectations away.

I’d love to be your coach!  Learn more about the services I offer by navigating to my company website, Breakthrough Strategies.

Missed Expectations

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We’ve all had that moment of realization when we know that we’re going to miss meeting someone’s expectations.  Whether it’s our boss, our boss’s boss, our kids, our spouse or our parents, it feels the same.  That sinking feeling rolls into our stomach.  Our tummy takes a little turn and we feel a little like throwing up.  Palms sweat.  Breathing becomes short or stops altogether.  Panic sets in.

What’s the next action?  What seems to come next for many is to avoid the issue.  Evade the soon-to-be disappointed person at all costs while several desperate attempts are made to try to figure out a way to meet the expectation.  Hope against hope that a miracle will take place and all will be well soon.

Mostly we end up just delaying the inevitable, don’t we?

So what’s the right course of action?  In the course I teach we read Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and among the suggested self-awareness strategies is “Lean into Your Discomfort.”  A good time to perfect this skill is when we’re about to miss expectations.

I get it.  It’s uncomfortable.  However, it’s not nearly as uncomfortable as it will be when the affected party finally discovers the miss and then asks the inevitable question, “How long did you know…?”  Better to confess now, regardless of how awful the outcome might seem.

If done in the right way and particularly if events beyond our control have played into the situation, chances are you’ll find an understanding person on the other side of the conversation.  Assume you’ll be met with disappointment but don’t be surprised when you experience grace.

After all, we’ve all had that moment, haven’t we?

You can find all books mentioned in this blog online at the Coach Carolyn Store.

Setting Expectations with Your Boss | Monster

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Yesterday’s post suggested the importance of knowing expectations so that they can be met.  As with many things, this is easier said than done.  Luckily, I found some great suggestions on how to set expectations with your boss.  And bosses, this is wonderful guidance for you as well; something you can do to better set expectations with those who work for you.

From the article:

At the very least, you need to know the minimum requirements and the gold standard of performance, the cardinal rules of conduct and the outer limits of your discretion. No matter how self-sufficient, responsible and hard-working you may be, nobody can function successfully for long without some structure and boundaries.

Read on…  Setting Expectations with Your Boss | Monster.

Meeting Expectations

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When others expect a lot from us it can be difficult to meet their expectations.  What can add to the difficulty is when we have no idea what those expectations are.

I think back to a conversation I once had where my boss said, “We had such high expectations….” As he said that I thought, “Really?  What were they?”  See, he hadn’t told me specifically what he’d hoped I’d achieve with regard to whatever it was that we were discussing.  I would have been happy to do what he wanted, if only I’d known.

Now, this may sound like a blame-the-supervisor thing to say.  Wrong assumption.  I hadn’t asked and so I was just as much to blame as he was.  He should have told me but when he didn’t, I should have pulled it out of him.

So how can we live up to the expectations others place on us?  First and foremost, we have to know what those expectations are.  Then, once we know them, in return we can set expectations regarding whether we think we’ll be able to meet them and in what sort of timeframe.

Not sure what someone expects from you?  Ask.  Can’t quite meet those expectations?  Be clear about what you can achieve so there are no surprises in the future.

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Setting Expectations

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What sort of expectations do you have?  Are you a person who thinks we should be expectation free so as to avoid disappointment?  Or do you see expectations similar to goals: ideas that provide forward movement and something to strive for?

I fall in the later camp and tend to agree with Sam Walton when he said, “High expectations are the key to everything.”  I can’t help it; I expect a lot.  I’m not sure how I would ever go about changing that.

These expectations can also be a set-up for disappointment.  When expectations are high for myself, I can get frustrated when I don’t live up to my own standards.  When I expect much from others, they may or may not reach the lofty criteria I’ve set in my head for them.

On the other hand, I have seen time and time again when high expectations have delivered.  Perhaps not at the same standard of the original expectation; however, results were achieved that may not have been met if the bar hadn’t been set high.

Several years ago I was building a new team with all new employees.  As we went about the process to set expectations with leadership above us, I set the expectation that this group would deliver at the same level as other established teams.  No special treatment, our goal was to be as good as everyone else as quickly as we could be.

And it happened.

The reason for setting expectations high was simple – I’d seen it work in reverse.  If expectations were that new-hires wouldn’t perform as well as tenured staff, the new team met that expectation.  Turning those expectations around took a lot of time, years even.

Of course, it wasn’t the expectation alone that made this happen; there’s a lot that goes into a successful team.  Nevertheless, it played an important part and reinforced my belief in how important setting expectations high can be.

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What’s A Career Coach?

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International Coaching Week continues and so does my opportunity to share different coaching flavors with you.

I love coaching just about anyone on any topic; however, my focus is career coaching. Sometimes this means my clients are making a decision to move from being technical to a manager, moving from a manager to an individual contributor, or deciding to move into an entirely different industry.  More often my clients are focusing on how to improve their performance to remain competitive in their company and industry.  Asking the right questions to help people decide where they want to take their career next is an exciting part for me to play.

As you might imagine, career coaching is really about working through transitions, whether physically moving from one role to another or transitioning from the status quo to a new mindset. The International Coach Federation lists these as some of the focus areas in career coaching:

  • People in career transition or those who have a big career decision to make
  • Individuals in a corporate job or considering one
  • People struggling with the decision of whether to stay in a corporate job or choose another option
  • Those who are navigating the changing expectations of employees & employers, trends in the workplace, values or issues of loyalty & security
  • People who have received specific evaluation criteria or feedback from management regarding their future at the company
  • Those ready to determine their readiness to strike out on their own or look for another career

Making a career change can be an exciting time. Having a coach to discuss the possibilities can help make the process go more smoothly.

I’d love to be your coach!  Learn more about the services I offer by navigating to my company website, Breakthrough Strategies.

So, You’re A Life Coach?

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“So, you’re a life coach?”

I always hesitate a little before I answer this question because no, I’m not a life coach.  However, our careers and professions are our lives, too… so yes, I do coach about life.  This particular niche of coaching can be a little murky.  I’ll try to help clarify a bit.

Many people equate life coaching with the profession of coaching as a whole.  As I mentioned yesterday, there is a broad spectrum of coaching areas and even within the niche of personal coaching there are many deeper specialties as well.  With regard to life and personal coaching, the International Coach Federation outlines the following focuses that a personal coaching engagement might delve into:

  • Life Planning
  • Life Vision & Enhancement
  • Extreme Self Care
  • Spirituality
  • Relationships (Singles, Couples, Families, etc.)
  • Health & Fitness
  • Creativity
  • Financial Freedom
  • Organization
  • Children/Teens/College Students
  • Attention Deficit Disorder

Reviewing this list, it’s easy to understand how it would be more beneficial to find a coach specializing in the area one hopes to improve in, like financial freedom or ADD, versus finding a coach who hasn’t focused on a niche.

So no, I’m not a life coach – but I can help you find a good one.

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Welcome To International Coaching Week

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It is International Coaching Week and as I did last year, I’ll spend this week educating on the profession of coaching.  It’s a pretty new profession and so many still don’t know or understand it well.  To begin, the International Coach Federation (ICF) defines coaching as:

“…partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.”

Under the umbrella of this partnership is a broad range of coaching specialties ranging from the most well known area of life coaching to the very specific niche of coaching adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). There are also coaches who focus on corporate/executive coaching, small business coaching, career coaching, conflict coaching, recovery coaching, leadership coaching, relationship coaching, teen/adolescent coaching, equine experiential coaching and the list goes on….

Also important to note is what coaching is not. It isn’t therapy, consulting, mentoring, training nor athletic development. Distinctions between each of these and coaching can be made and are nicely outlined in the ICF’s Coaching FAQs site.

Ultimately, the simplest explanation is that if you’re looking for someone to help guide you to get to your goals and dreams more quickly – and someone to hold you accountable in the process of moving toward them – then a coach would likely be a benefit to you. My clients find the actions they need to take based on our conversations, then follow through and see progress that strengthens them to keep progressing toward their final destination.

It’s an honor to be a part of the transformation.

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What Matters Now

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There’s a time and place to look back into our past: when healing needs to take place, to draw on to learn our strengths, or to remind ourselves what’s made us happy.  However, when the goal is to move forward, and to do so powerfully, that is the time to leave the past in, well, the past.

I use the following example with my clients from time to time.  Let’s say someone decides to work with me as his coach because he has a big, bold dream of owning his own business.  Together we work to define the gaps that exist between where this person is now and where he would like to be.  Naturally, owning a business requires financial goals and let’s assume that he isn’t in good shape financially.

The relevant information is that, at this point in time, there are financial hurdles that must be overcome.  While the story may be interesting, how he found himself in this place doesn’t matter much with regard to the goal.  Divorce, bad business dealings, the economy or dumb decision-making won’t matter now.  The facts of today do.

This makes sense to us, until we want to queue up our someone-done-me-wrong routine to explain and excuse why we aren’t where we had hoped to be.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter who did what to whom.

It’s all up to you from here.

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Coaching Challenge: Your Mood

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How did you do this week?  Was your mood a positive one in a week when we’re all supposed to be depressed, sad and down?  Hopefully the posts here helped serve as a reminder that you can choose to be in a good mood, regardless.

This week’s coaching challenge centers around this idea: you have the power to change your mood.  Think each of these through and grab a couple as your own as you move forward.

Here we go….

  • Did you set a New Year’s Resolution?  If you’ve already slipped off course, resolve again to take it up.  Look at it as misstep versus a failure.  You have a year to complete your goal, after all.  Keep going!
  • Take time to recognize what sort of mood you are in.  Don’t usually pay attention?  Set a reminder at the same point in time each day for a week and record it.  Remember this baseline as you work to improve your mood.
  • Next time you are enjoying your bad mood, call yourself on it.  It’s difficult to be upset about something and then turn around and be nice to those around us.  Choose to drop the attitude and move on to a better place.
  • Review the Mood Boosters post – or find another list online – and choose a go-to mood booster.  Decide ahead of time how you will routinely pull yourself out of a bad mood.
  • Smile at a stranger each day.

I travel light. I think the most important thing is to be in a good mood and enjoy life, wherever you are. ~Diane von Furstenberg

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Choose Your Mood

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It hasn’t been that long since I made a confession here and it’s already time to throw out another one: sometimes I enjoy being in a bad mood.  I know I’ve told you here that mood and attitude are something we choose, but sometimes I simply feel like someone has “done me wrong” and I want to be irritated for a while.

In reality, usually it’s more righteous indignation than irritation or a bad mood.  In any event, it’s where I think I want to be.  That is, until it begins to affect everything else.

See, when I’m in that spot where I’m grumpy because of what I perceive to be some wrong society has thrown at me, I’m moody in every way.  Funny how it’s difficult to be grumpy about only one thing… Soon that attitude will bleed over into every aspect of my life – touching areas that have nothing to do with the original transgression.

It’s at that point I finally figure out that the bad mood brought on by one small thing isn’t worth the impact to relationships and situations that are perfectly fine and good.

Time to choose a different mood.

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Blue Monday

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According to some, today is the day when our holiday bills, the winter weather, weight gain from all those year-end parties, and our failed resolutions come together to create the most depressing day of the year: Blue Monday.

Of course, these things and more may come together and feel overwhelming this time of year.  Thankfully most of us have had relatively mild weather this winter, so that’s less of a factor.  But when you look at the other things that play a part in these seasonal doldrums, most of it is within our control to change.

Oh, I’m not saying it will be fun to change!  I fully understand that decreasing debt, losing weight and keeping resolutions can be tough.  That doesn’t change that these are within your control.  Actually, these things are completely yours to control.  Perhaps only yours to control.

Are you in control?  Maybe it’s time to take charge.

Totaling up debt, stepping on the scale, or getting back to the to-do list made the first week in January may not be fun, but it’s so much better than ignoring the facts and hoping everything will get better on its own.  It’s always better when we are honest with ourselves.  Once we’ve done this we can take accountability, figure out exactly what must be done, make a plan, move forward.

As you’ve read here before, choose just one thing to change.  You’ll set yourself up for success and will likely be a bit surprised to see other areas of your life improve, too.

Blue Monday?  Not for you.

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Coaching: Trust

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Spending this week writing about trust has naturally pulled me back into The Speed of Trust by Steven M. R. Covey.  In it he says:

Contrary to what most people believe, trust is not some soft, illusive quality that you either have or you don’t; rather, trust is a pragmatic, tangible, actionable asset that you can create – much faster than you probably think possible.

With this in mind – that trust can be created (as it can be destroyed) – I invite you consider these questions and write down your answers as we dive deeper into how trust can be nurtured in your life.

Here we go….

Trusting Yourself

How often do you feel you need to get input from others before making a decision?  Perhaps you do this for some areas of your life but not others?  Which areas do you find you trust yourself with and in which areas do you seem to lack confidence?  What would it take for you to push through the fear and make more confident decisions?  How can you build your trust in yourself?

Trusting Others

How authentic do you allow yourself to be?  Does this change depending on the audience?  When do you find yourself worrying that if you share something of value someone will take it away, potentially misusing it?  Is it because those people are untrustworthy?  Or is it because you are untrusting?  What is the worst that would happen if you chose to trust them?  What if you tried trusting them to see what happens?

Being Trustworthy

How consistent are you with your word?  Can people trust you to do what you say you will do?  When do you find you are more lax?  With certain colleagues?  Family?  Friends?  If your behavior differs, why?  Do you behave the way you expect others to behave?  Or do you have higher standards for them?  Are you a person you would trust?

I trust you will have a good weekend and will meet me back here on Monday.

Are You Trustworthy?

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This week has focused on trusting ourselves and trusting others, the next natural place to go is here: how trustworthy are you?

We’d all like to think that we’re someone who can be trusted.  But if we look at the standards we set for others to hold on to or gain our trust, we may not meet those ourselves. 

Do you keep confidences in the way you expect others to?  I know I’ve been guilty of sharing something I shouldn’t have – and I’ve witnessed a great number of people doing the same. Enough to know that I’m not alone in having committed this crime. 

How about expecting others to do what they say they are going to do?  Do you say, “Let’s get together,” and then never set time up to meet?  Do you tell friends you’ll meet them at a specific time but they know you’ll be 15 minutes late?  Are you as reliable as you want others to be?

With regard to our own trustworthiness, the first standard we must attempt to meet is our own.  Yes, there are people in our lives with standards we may never meet… But if we are able to meet our own, we’ll increase our trustworthiness overall.

Coaching Challenge: Performance

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Our performance is often best when we are challenged: challenged by others, by a goal or by our own competitive spirit.  For that reason, this week needed to be a coaching challenge.  Print this off and make it your To Do List for next week.

Here we go….

  • Remind yourself of your potential.  Only when you know and understand the gap between your current performance level and your potential will you recognize the need to up your performance.  Start here: Coaching Challenge: Your Potential.
  • Identify ways to improve your performance.  Do you need to get more sleep?  Organize your day at the beginning, before you jump in?  Say “no” to unnecessary meetings?  What’s holding you back?  Make a list and start to improve.
  • Ask for feedback.  Be sure to ask a person who is willing to hold up a mirror, not simply tell you what you want to hear.  Do something with the information you learn.  Lean into the discomfort this creates and allow it to move you forward.
  • Get over it.  Whatever it is in your past that’s keeping you from performing at your best, get over it.  Wish you still had that great boss you had a few years back?  He’s not coming back.  Wish you were still working on the glory project you had last year?  Find glory in something new.  Hate that you need to learn a new software program?  Tough.  Get over it.  Don’t use it as an excuse that keeps you from your best performance.
  • Commit to excellence each day.  Create a mantra to repeat a few times on your way to work.  Say it out loud.  Believe it.  Do it.

Listen To Their Feedback

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As happens here from time to time, I have a confession to make: I don’t really like getting feedback.  OK, I’ll be more clear… I don’t like getting negative feedback.  And those of you who say you love it because it makes you better?  Yeah, I don’t quite believe you when you say that.

Oh, I love positive feedback!  I mean, who doesn’t?  And when I’ve asked for it, I’m OK with some criticism.  But when it seems to come out of the blue, I’m simply not a fan.  And yes, I’ve been known to get defensive a time or two.

This is a shortcoming in my character.  I’m working on it.

I know it’s a shortcoming because I understand it’s what I need to become better at what I do.  When someone has the courage to give me feedback I don’t want to hear – when they hold up a mirror and I’m not willing to look at myself – I lose an opportunity to grow.  The chance to improve my performance passes me by.

Being able to hear and incorporate feedback is a hallmark of those with strong emotional intelligence (EQ).  Thankfully, EQ is something that most researchers believe can be improved.  And to improve this area, the authors of Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Travis Bradberry and Jena Greaves, suggest that I seek feedback (augh!) and that I lean into my discomfort.  They tell us:

The biggest obstacle to increasing your self-awareness is the tendency to avoid the discomfort that comes from seeing yourself as you truly are.  Things you do not think about are off your radar for a reason: they can sting when they surface.  Avoiding this pain creates problems, because it is merely a short-term fix.  You’ll never be able to manage yourself effectively if you ignore what you need to do to change.

While it makes me uncomfortable, it does give me comfort to know that I must not be alone if someone is writing about it in a book!  It also gives me courage to lean into my discomfort, take the information given to me by someone else, and do something with it to improve my performance.  Honestly, each time this happens there is an improvement in my business, my relationships, my writing, my attitude, my self.

So let’s all be courageous and find a few people who are willing to “give it to us straight” and really listen to them.  It’s one of the best ways to improve our performance.

You can find all books mentioned in this blog online at the Coach Carolyn Store.

Work Heartily

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Well, here we go!  Back to work after days – or maybe even weeks – filled with friends, family, relaxation, indulgence, fun and play.  Are you ready?

How do you plan to perform today?  Did your R&R revive you to bring your best efforts with you back to work?  Or did the break expose how you really feel about your job as you drug yourself out of bed this morning?

Either way, you’ve made a commitment to someone – whether it’s an employer or yourself – to engage at work today.  For many of you, other people depend on your engagement at work as well.

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,” is a passage found in Colossians.  Thinking about work in this way, how does it change your perspective on working?  I know it’s changed mine more than one time in the past – and today as I contemplate the words again.

If it’s too much to think about working “as for the Lord” or you are of a different faith, modifying the words to match your circumstance brings power as well.  Work heartily as your family depends on you.  Work heartily to support the charity you believe in.  Work heartily to keep your beautiful home.  Work heartily to save for your next vacation.  Work heartily for the customers who rely on you.

Heartily.  As I type it over and over I realize that we don’t use this word much, so these variations might help:

Work enthusiastically.

Work good-naturedly.

Work completely.

Work with gusto, with energy, emphatically, wholeheartedly, vigorously.

Perform at your best.

Find me on Facebook: Coach Carolyn