Tag Archives: courage

Lessons from Walt

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The following post about Walt Disney is one of the most read pieces I’ve published.  Turns out lots of people are looking for information on Walt’s perseverance.  In any event, I’ve been reminded again how important it is for us to persevere even when we’re tired – maybe especially when we’re tired – of keeping at something.

Well, have you been trying for twenty years?  Me neither.  Keep pressing on….

Walt Disney’s Perseverance  Originally posted February 22, 2011

Travel with me back in time to 1938. It was four years past the original book release of Mary Poppins and Walt Disney made his first attempt to gain rights to transfer the beloved story to film. Mickey Mouse was a big hit and this was the year that Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was released, winning Disney an Oscar (accompanied by seven miniature statues). Really, the Snow White story provides another wonderful example of perseverance, but I’ll try to stay on track.

Anyway, 1938 was a big year for Walt (understatement), so you’d think that when he approached Helen Lyndon Goff (pen name P. L. Travers) she would have been flattered at the opportunity to work with him on a film adaptation of Mary Poppins; but no. Turns out that she didn’t think a film version of her books would do justice to her story; she didn’t want it to be turned into a cartoon.

So Mr. Disney asked again… and again… and again… and again… for 20 YEARS! During that time he released animated classics like Pinocchio, Fantasia and Bambi. He opened Disneyland. He moved out of animated films with Treasure Island, Old Yeller and The Disney Club. These were the golden years of Disney and of course I can’t begin to do justice to these 20 years with a little paragraph here.

And yet year after year, he’d pick up the phone, send a letter, drop by – however it was that Mr. Disney courted Ms. Travers’s business – to try to get the rights to Mary Poppins.

Here’s my commentary: really? Why? How did he see the potential? Why was he so driven? Or was it just a crazy obsession because he’d been told no? And didn’t he have enough going on? Why this? We won’t know… but my mind wanders. Back to the story….

Finally, P. L. Travers gave in and the rest, as they say, is history. Mary Poppins released in 1964 as one of Disney’s most successful musicals. It won Oscars. Julie Andrews won an Oscar. The songs, editing, and visual effects added even more Oscars, resulting in a total of 13. (BTW – all this information is available on Wikipedia and Answers if you want even more information on the topic.)

As you can see, Walt Disney’s perseverance paid off. In my post yesterday, I cited this as something that I found more applicable to me personally than the “hey, look how they picked up after failure” stories. I can relate to doggedly going back to something that I think really needs to get done – just like Disney did with Mary Poppins. I know I wouldn’t have had the insight to see the potential in Mary Poppins, but I can think of things in my life that I shouldn’t give up on. For that I can learn a lesson from Walt.

Even if it takes 20 years.

Oh, the Anticipation!

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It has been said that when left with incomplete information, we fill in the blanks with the worst-case scenario.  Human nature seems to lead us down the path of worry.  Anticipation of the unknown can create a host of anxieties.

What are we doing to ourselves?  Looking back, those events we spend so much time worrying about rarely play up to our negative expectations and often never happen at all.  It’s the anticipation of the event that gets our blood pressure to rise, adding stress to already stressful times.

How can we change?  Here are a few things that have worked for me:

  • Look back at similar circumstances and remind yourself that the worst-case scenario very rarely happens. It likely won’t happen this time, either.
  • Walk through the worst-case scenario playing in your head.  How would you react? What would REALLY be the worst that could happen?  See yourself living through it. Learning from it.
  • To counter the above exercise, walk through the best-case scenario.  See how you can shine in a difficult situation.  As you do this, take note of what you need to do to support this happening so that you are best prepared.
  • Find someone to alleviate your fears by reminding you of your knowledge, your expertise, or your preparedness – whatever it is that you have that is going to carry you through this event.
  • Finally, remember what you are doing to yourself.  Sometimes simply remembering that you are worrying about situations that will likely not take place may bring a little peace.

And then, walk through it.  Make the presentation.  Ask for the raise.  Have that difficult conversation with your kid, spouse or parent.  Step into the hot air balloon.  Put on your party dress.  Go.  Shine.

It’s Time To Do Your Dream

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Think about the power of putting action behind your dream.

To walk through the possibilities, let’s start with a “small” dream – taking a vacation. For many people taking a vacation seems like a dream out of reach.

“Work will fall apart without me.”

“We can’t afford it.”

“The clean-up when I get back to the office just isn’t worth it.”

Etc. Etc. Etc.

However, when we decide to follow our dream, each of these can be rebutted and actions taken to support the desired end result.

Work will fall apart without me. First, I’m only buying this one if you’re a one-person shop. You aren’t that indispensable and if you are, then perhaps you do need to leave so that others understand all that you do – but that’s a post for another day! Back to following the dream… if this is true, steps can be made to mitigate potential problems. This is your dream! Plan in advance; recruit others to help you; hire administrative help. Whatever it takes, you’ll get creative because you have a dream.

Can’t afford it? Give something up and start putting that money aside for your get-away. My sister-in-law once pointed out that just $50 a paycheck set aside would get her to a tropical island within a year. Or maybe your trip is a gift to yourself when you get a bonus or pay off a credit card. Again, with focus you could overcome this obstacle as well.

Clean-up not worth it? Well, I’d argue that it always is; but if I can’t convince you of that here’s a creative idea for those of you who live in an email centric world. I heard about someone who put on his out-of-office replies that all emails he received during his time away were headed right to the trash bin and if it was important, please send the email after he returned. Do you love this?!

All of these things take conscious effort. Without the dream as a guide, either the vacation might not take place or the concerns may actually be realized, reinforcing that vacations are tough to take, afford and return from. The dream helps make it better all around.

Now, think about the power of putting action behind your dream. Buying a lake home. Having a baby. Retiring. Changing careers. Buying new furniture. Going to college. Starting a business. Cleaning out the garage. Volunteering in Africa. Planning a family reunion.

The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do. ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

Do your dream.

Outside Expectations

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As high as our own expectations may be, it seems like we all have at least one person in our lives whose expectations we will never meet.  There’s always someone out there that thinks we should be more, do more, or have more.  Unfortunately, often these people also don’t come right out and tell us what they expect, they just let us know when we’ve let them down by not meeting those unsaid expectations.

As frustrating as this can be, this is about them.  Not you.

Read through that first paragraph again.  When put in its abstract form, you can readily see that there isn’t much of anything you can do to meet an unsaid, implied, or vague expectation.  It’s out of your hands.

In this circumstance, what matters is how we react to the situation.  Granted, if the person is close to us it’s difficult to not feel like we’ve let him or her down.  And if we haven’t met our own expectations as well, adding the knowledge that we’ve let someone else down can make everything seem worse.

Not fair.

In an ideal world, we’d be able to let the person know that placing expectations on us isn’t fair and that it should stop because it’s not helpful.  And right now you’re thinking, “Yeah, right.  Have you met my mom (or dad, or spouse, or friend)?”

OK, maybe that conversation isn’t going to happen.  What can happen is that you can anticipate it, remind yourself that it’s not about you, and then when it comes refuse to let it demean you in any way.

When we miss expectations that have been clearly set and that we’ve agreed to, we need to come clean, own up to whatever we did to miss the mark, and take responsibility for what comes next.  When expectations are undefined and misplaced, they are not ours to own.  Don’t take them on after the fact.  Just listen and move on.

Coaching: Choices

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Have this week’s posts reminded you of a choice you’ve been struggling with? Putting off? Ignoring? Are you ready to put some more thought into making that decision and then, perhaps, going ahead and making it?

Got one in mind? Then let’s move ahead with this week’s mini coaching engagement.

Here we go…

You’ve delayed making a choice this long… what criteria do you need to have met in order to make your final decision? What internal or external obstacles do you have in making this decision?

Have you been waiting for someone else to make choices for you? Are you intentionally giving your power of decision away to them? What benefit are you receiving by passing on this power? Is it well placed?

And here’s a favorite question of mine to consider: If nothing changed from how it is today, what would the future look like? How does answering this question change your perspective on the importance of making this choice? Has it made it more important? Less?

After answering these questions, what will you do next? What will be your first step toward making your decision? How practical would it be to give yourself a deadline to make it? When you meet the above-defined criteria, how quickly will you make your choice after that?

What is clearer to you now? Are you ready?  Choose.

The Gift Of Choice

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Thinking about choices this week and going back to remind myself – and you – of what a gift it is to have choices in front of us.

The Gift of Decision Making Originally posted 7/13/2011

I am, as always, about halfway through reading four different books. I also have several un-read books on my yet-to-read shelf and a reading list at the ready on my nook. So when I knew that this week’s topic was going to be decision making, I finally picked upGet Off the Fence by Rhoda Makoff, Ph.D. and Jeffery Makoff, ESQ. I’m not done (see sentence #1), but I think this one will end up on my list of recommended readings.

At the very onset of the discussion, the Makoffs remind the reader that being able to make big decisions is a gift. It means that we’re alive; that we have choices. These are good things.

When was the last time you felt like a big decision was a good thing? OK, if your last major decision was to get married or have a child, of course it was good. But even those good decisions can leave us agonizing over whether our choices are the right ones.

The Makoffs also share a quote from General Omar N. Bradley who led the D-Day invasion of Normandy that marked the turning point of World War II in Europe. He said, “This is as true in everyday life as it is in battle: We are given one life, and the decision is ours whether to wait for circumstances to make up our mind or whether to act and, in acting, to live.”

Please, go back and read it again. And maybe one more time. The more I read it, the more power his words seem to have.

Will you wait to for circumstances to make up your mind?

Or will you act and, in acting, live?

It is our decisions that define who we are. Letting circumstance or other people make our choices permits those things to shape our lives.

Making your own big decisions is a gift that allows you to have the life you choose.

Coaching: Be Bold

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It’s time to be bold!  Even people with high levels of confidence have areas in their lives where they are less emboldened.  Bring to mind an area where you could be more confident and show more boldness as we go through this week’s coaching exercise.  I encourage you to really think about your answers and write them down.

Here we go….

Where or when would it be helpful to you to be bolder?  Is there an idea you’d like to get across at work?  A relationship where your feelings aren’t being taken into consideration?  An activity you’d like to try but are afraid to do?  Got it?

What first step can you take to move toward boldness?  Remember, you don’t have to be aggressive or brash.  Think confident and assertive instead.  Identify what you can do to lean into your discomfort.  What can you do to begin to remove the fear that’s held you back from being bold?  What will you do?  What will you say?  Who will be there?  How will they react?  Play the scenario out in your head.  Do you feel your confidence building?

Set a goal around this first step.  Include what you will specifically do and by when.  Write it down.  Put it in your calendar if you have to.  If you’re feeling really bold, tell someone else your plan.

Then go do it.  Be bold.

Boldly Be You

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It is best when we can boldly be who we truly are.  Regardless.

How often have you allowed other voices to sway your decision-making?  When we make decisions based on what other people think, we are giving them a lot of power.

In a presentation that I gave recently I asked the participants to write down the names of those who influenced their definition of success.  In the discussion that followed it was mentioned that the people on the list would likely be surprised that they were there.  Wouldn’t you be?

This happens when we don’t hold enough confidence in ourselves.  When we lack the boldness to make our own decisions.  Define our own success.  Make our own way.

I’ve been learning that every decision I make needs to be right for me, and that I don’t have to explain what I do to everyone else.  Sure, there are people that should hold some sway – my husband, for example – but even he can’t fully know what’s best for me.

I must come to that understanding myself and boldly be me.

Boldly be you.

How To Be Bold

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There are times when I am bold.  Others when I am not.  And then there are times when I look bold, but I’m shaking on the inside.

How to get to that place of boldness; that place where our confidence shines through and we know that we’ll be able to perform at our very best?

For me, information is key.  The more I know about a topic, the more emboldened I am.  I’ll find out information about people on LinkedIn.  I’ll read articles on the topics I know will be addressed.  I fill my head with as much knowledge as I can.

Of course, time doesn’t always allow for the collection of information.  What’s the fallback plan?  Here are a few other tricks that have worked for me:

  • Remember what you do know.  If you are presenting or have been asked to join a meeting, it’s usually because of the expertise you bring to the table.  Be confident in what you already know.
  • Remember what you don’t know.  Don’t try to fake something that you don’t have.  Nobody expects that you know everything so when you don’t, say so and offer to find answers later.
  • If you are going to be in the front of the room, remember that almost everyone in the room is happy that they are not in the front of the room.  Audience members usually bring more grace than we realize.  Everyone knows public speaking can be unnerving.
  • Relax.  Can’t?  Start with breathing.  In through the nose for four counts, hold for four counts, out through the mouth for four counts, hold for four counts.  Repeat.  Relax.

Often the bolder you act, the bolder you get.  Even if you have to fake it a little, boldly bring your best.

Pushing Through Fear

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It’s true that in order to learn something about ourselves we oftentimes need to slow down, be quiet, and listen to our thoughts.  That said, sometimes being a part of a hair-raising adventure or achieving a sought-after goal will teach us something as well.  How will we know how far we can go if we don’t take life to the edge from time to time?

Not too long ago I was pretty freaked out by my treadmill.  I would walk on it but I couldn’t imagine running on it at all.  Now I can run on it because I pushed through that fear, first by jogging and then by running in short bursts to prove to myself that I could do it without flying off the back of the machine.  I guess I’d watched too many YouTube videos….

The first time I traveled to Europe I traveled alone, had messed up my reservations, and flew on the first anniversary of the September 11th attacks.  I was tired, a little worried, and expected London to feel like home (it doesn’t) so my nerves were pretty shot.  If I remember right, I think I may have even come home a day early once my work there was done.  It wasn’t a great first experience but I learned that I could do it.  And I knew the next time would be better.

A friend recently shared a picture of her young not-so-daring son with his hands triumphantly in the air as he came to the end of his first rollercoaster ride.  I’m sure he was terrified as he was strapped in, but now he knows that he can do it.  He learned that fear doesn’t have to hold him back.

Maybe you honestly don’t have time to be still, read a book, and be introspective.  Fine.  Instead, figure out what scary thing are you avoiding and then find a way to do it.  You’ll discover something about yourself that way, too.

Be Creative

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Yesterday’s post didn’t convince you that everyone has a creative side?  To help make my case, you’ll find below a few online articles listing ways to spur creativity.  As you read through them take note that there’s very little talk about artistry or talent.  Creativity is much more than visual and it’s something that we need to thrive.

Lacking creativity?  Here are a few places to go for ideas on how to get more creative.

Why You’re Most Creative In The Shower: Log out, dream, or enjoy a drink with friends.

21 Ways To Be More Creative: Throw out the TV; make a list of things you love, or dance around the house.

And for those who think dancing around the house would be silly – 12 Practical Ways To Become More Creative.  Be intentionally rebellious.  Research.  Isolate yourself for a while.

Go check these out and add a few to your To Do List for the day.  You may find something whimsical or something profound – or both!

Be creative.  I dare you.

Coaching Challenge: Focus

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It’s the rare individual who is always focused on what he or she has to do, so I’m going to go with the assumption that we could all improve in this area.  That means that I’m going to throw out some challenges instead of having you simply think about your focus.  C’mon!  We all need to quit putting off something.  Time to quit thinking and start doing!

Here we go…

  • Scrub your to-do list.  What’s been on there the longest?  Dig deep and figure out why you’re avoiding that task.  Do what you need to do to get it done or give the task to someone else.  No to-do list?  Create one.
  • Identify something that you always delay doing – like my example of house cleaning.  Create or find a monitoring system to help keep you honest and timely with that chore.  Use it.
  • Think about the biggest thing you’ve been avoiding.  Identify how it ties to your long-term goals.  Remember why it landed on your list in the first place.  Think about who your procrastination impacts and who will be impacted when you complete the goal.  Recognize the motivation this creates and take advantage of it to get it done.
  • Spend the next week paying attention to when you lose your focus.  Is it in a certain environment?  At a regular time-of-day?  Schedule time for your biggest to-dos to match when you are at your best.

Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. ~Pablo Picasso

Coaching Challenge: Confidence

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It seems that confidence will wane in a particular area.  For example, we can be very confident on one project at work but not another or confident around everyone except for a certain person.  Take a moment to think about where and when you have less confidence than you normally do as we go through today’s mini coaching exercise.  It’s time to boost your confidence and the confidence of those around you!

Here we go….

  • When thinking about the situation where you’re confidence is less than you’d like it to be, remember why you chose to do what you’re doing in the first place.
  • What one thing can you do to remind yourself of why it is that you are doing this?  Identify the value or the dream associated with this area and focus on it.
  • Has a recent failure damaged your confidence?  Like Davis, you may have failed but that doesn’t mean you’re a failure.  Take note of what you learned from the experience.  Recognize the value you brought in it.  Find your confidence in knowing that you were true to yourself and others.
  • If it’s around a particular person that your confidence depletes, ask yourself these questions:
    • What makes this person so important to you?  Is that valid?
    • What can you do to change how you react around them?
    • If the person is unavoidable (a parent, boss or significant other), what can you do to take your power back?  There could be another post on this… but really, that loss of confidence you feel is the power you hand over to them.  Remember that it’s yours to give and to take.

And finally, who needs your confidence?  Give it to them.

Be Confident

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Fortunately I’ve actually had very little time with bad bosses during my career.  The few that I’ve had have been pretty short-term and that, of course, was a very good thing.

While working for one particular manager who wasn’t among the best I’ve had, I learned again what I already knew to be true… but had neglected at the very worst time.  When starting a new role, I found myself without the confidence and assuredness that I normally hold.

As is often the case when coming into a new position, I was pretty much thrown into it with little preparation and little support.  A mistake managers often make with new employees: expecting that they know everything they need to know coming into the role.  Nobody ever can possibly have all the information they need on day one.  Anyway… that wasn’t the issue.

The issue was not knowing the intricacies of the job – and believing that everyone around me thought I should know them all – shot down my confidence.  When it came time for me to stand up for what my team needed, I gave up and backed down.  I knew the decisions being made were wrong, but I didn’t believe in myself enough to push as hard as I needed to.  I paid for it later.

Within a short time, I found a new role and moved on with another lesson in my pocket.

Trust my gut; be confident; and never be afraid to ask for information.

Now you can follow me on Twitter!

A Lesson In Confidence

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Sometimes we learn lessons from our children.

Several years ago now, our youngest son decided to run for Treasurer of his class.  We had recently moved so he was new to the school, but he still wanted to give it a try.

He spent time with us discussing his platform and rehearsing his speech and when the day came, he dressed up in his suit coat and headed off to school.

His speech went off without a hitch, we’re told.  And then his competition took the stage… and threw candy out to the audience.  You can guess who won.

As we heard him tell the story about his lesson in how politics really work, I was bracing for his reaction, ready for the tears.  They never came.

You see Davis was confident in what he had presented.  Confident in his ideas, confident that he had taken the path that was right for him, and confident that he’d been true to his values and ideas.  He had failed in his run but he was not a failure.

How often we lose confidence because things don’t work out as we’d hoped!  When we know that we’ve been true to ourselves, that’s when we need to remain confident in knowing who we are and what we’ve presented to the world.

Thank you, Davis.  Lesson learned.

Lost Confidence? It Pays To Remember Why…

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In order to be our best selves we need to be confident: confident about our decisions, confident about the path we choose to take, and confident in our beliefs, values and dreams.  As soon as our confidence starts to waver, that’s when we question all these things.

How to remain confident?  Now, that can be a struggle.

Really, there are so many things that come at us to weaken confidence.  Who hasn’t come to a bold, determined decision only to have it immediately picked apart?  If the person picking is important to us, our confidence can wane quickly – sometimes bringing us back to “square one” in the decision making process.

You know I believe in listening to and acting on feedback.  That said, we must work through our own decisions and be confident in them as we move forward.

So again, how can that be done?

I’m not going to pretend to have the answers but I can provide a helpful tip: an important piece in keeping confident is remembering why it is that this specific decision was made in the first place.  When decisions are made there’s always a reason, oftentimes a very good, well-thought-out reason.  We’ve got to remember that.

Why did you leave your job to start a new business?

Why did you recommit to your current job when you decided to stay?

What was it that compelled you to sign up for a marathon?

Why are you pursuing your degree?

We all have days when our confidence slips.  Remembering the deliberate choices made that brought this exact moment and experience to us can help bring our confidence up again.

Coaching: Tough Conversations

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Fear sometimes holds us back from telling people around us the truth.  When we do this, we rob our family, friends and coworkers of the opportunity to grow and change.  If we can see what they cannot, it’s a gift to give them the information we have.

Thinking about that conversation you’ve been putting off, let’s dig deeper and figure out what it will take to make it happen.

Here we go….

As you read through this week’s posts, who came to mind?  Who were you thinking might be too fragile to hear what you have to say about them?  Who would improve and make their lives better if they only knew what you knew?  What specifically would you like to tell them?

How could you deliver this information in a loving and supportive way?

Perhaps you’re thinking too much time has passed?  How sure are you on this?  Maybe it’s a better-late-than-never scenario.  If so, how could you make the message seem timely?  Has the offence been repeated?  Did someone else recently bring it to your attention again?

Honestly, most critical feedback I’ve received has resulted in change that mattered.  I appreciate each person who had the courage to have those hard conversations with me. My thanks goes out to them.

Now, go do the same for that person who needs your feedback.

Timely Feedback

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This personal story shows the impact of not sharing feedback in a timely way.

Give Feedback  Originally posted April 18, 2011

Many leadership lessons learned come early, long before business people take the mantle of leadership on for themselves. When I was a teen I had the opportunity to work for my dad on the farm from time to time; however, when I turned 16 I found my first “real” job at the local small-town drug store.

I did the usual stuff – stocked shelves, dusted, ran the cash register. I was 16, so I talked to my friends when they came in and may have been less than industrious when it came to activities to do with my time when the to-do list was complete. I learned a few things and did my job.

Then came my first review.

Turns out my manager wasn’t thrilled with me. To this day I can’t tell you what it was that I wasn’t doing right. What I can tell you is that whatever it was, it wasn’t that big of a deal, it was something I could change immediately, and my manager had held onto the information that I wasn’t doing it right for months.

I quit within two weeks.

At 16 I knew what I’m assuming that manager likely doesn’t know to this day – there should never be a surprise when it comes to a performance review. As leaders, we’ve just got to give it people straight. They deserve that.

And if you’re not a manager, it goes the other way too. Waiting to share your gripes on a manager feedback form when you haven’t had the conversation about how that person can improve isn’t very fair, either.

While the incident was frustrating at the time, it taught me a valuable lesson early in my working life. Be open. Be honest. Be courageous. Tell people what they need to know to be successful. Holding on to constructive feedback because the conversation will be difficult hurts the other person in the long run. And if they leave, it can hurt you, your team, and your company, too.

Be brave. Give feedback.

Find me on Facebook: Coach Carolyn

Post script: For more information on how to give feedback, check out this old-but-not-dated article from Fast Company, How to Give Good Feedback.

Bring Your Best Self

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We need to bring our best selves to any conversation that includes giving someone a dose of reality.  Similar to the ideas presented in A Meeting Full Of Love around meetings in general, a one-on-one discussion where you present less-than-favorable feedback requires a loving, giving attitude.

You must know, down to your toes, that the person will be better off having the information versus not.  If it will not make them better, ask yourself whether you should be sharing it at all.  Go in with the best of intentions.

Once you’ve established that base, keep these additional tips in mind:

  • Be warm and engaging.  Smile.  Be authentic when you do this.
  • Start positively, perhaps by laying out your intentions.
  • Say your piece and then stop to listen.
  • Let them share their side of the story and don’t argue.
  • Offer to help with any change needed without telling them how to react to your news.

Oh, so much easier to write about than to do in actual conversation!  That said, I can tell you from experience that keeping these things in mind will result in a better outcome – and missing a few of them has the possibility of driving a wedge between you and the receiver.

When preparing, remember that you are actually helping a friend, coworker or peer by sharing this news.  If keeping quiet would hinder their career or relationships, you owe it to them to speak up in a loving, supportive and respectful way.

Not So Fragile

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People are not as fragile as we think they are.  A professor of mine at University of Texas – Dallas reminded us of this often, challenging aspiring coaches to dig deeper with their clients.  She was right.

In an advice column I read over the weekend, a friend had informed the writer that she had chronic bad breath.  Her letter was to ask what to do about her breath, not about how upset she was with her friend.  Quite the opposite, she was happy that someone had enough courage to tell her the truth so that she could do something about it.

The last conversation I had with my coach was about getting a little tougher with one of my clients.  It was then that I reminded myself that he probably isn’t as fragile as I’ve been treating him.  My job is to ask tough questions….

Thinking about tough conversations, my mind goes to all the managers out there who are now in “review season.”  A performance review can be delightful to deliver – or it can be the worst thing ever.  Remembering that the employee is not as fragile as you think they are helps in preparing for what might be a difficult exchange.

Of course, strong as the other person may be, anyone can be brought to tears if a hard message isn’t brought with love and respect.  We’ll talk more about that side of the equation tomorrow.